


A Tale of Three Bridges

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 09:54:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14615808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: When Kathryn is awoken after her neural interface is deactivated, she discovers that something more dangerous than killing has been going on.I have totally mangled one of my most favourite episodes here, so please forgive me. We also get a brief glimpse into a Roman scenario.Setting: Second part of Killing Game and after





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know that this kind of story has been done many times before. This is my take on it.  
> Please excuse my long forgotten schoolgirl/computer generated French, and my non-existent Latin.

Kathryn groaned. Everything…absolutely everything…stung with pain. 

There was a hiss of a hypospray. "Relax, Captain!" came the Doctor's soothing voice. "The analgesic will kick in soon." 

"She's going to live?" came a hostile voice from somewhere in the room. 

"This time, yes," answered the EMH, glancing at his patient with a secret finger to his lips, indicating that she should keep quiet. "But she's going to need at least three days' rest to recover. If you keep punishing her like this, we'll lose her soon. Her body cannot take much more." 

"You're the Doctor. You treat her. She is one of our favourite prey. You have twenty-four hours to return her to the hunt," said the gruff decisive voice. Kathryn heard the hiss of the doors, indicating that the observer had left. 

Kathryn groaned again. "How are you feeling?" asked the EMH gently. 

"Like I've been through five rounds in a Klingon callisthenics program." 

"You've been in far worse." 

"What's going on?" asked the stricken woman. Her mind was very hazy and disorientated. 

"The ship has been taken over by the Hirogen for nearly nine weeks. They have used neural interfaces to control your minds and actions. You've been through eight different scenarios played out on the holodeck. And you've been brought back here close to death eleven times. Ruptured organs, broken bones, severe lacerations, internal bleeding. You name it, you've had it! It's a sheer miracle you're still alive. 

You've been garrotted as a Norman, punctured like a sieve as a Native American, and skewered as a Klingon. Right now, you're Katrine Tisserand from World War II France. Proprietress of the Coeur de Lion in Ste. Claire. Leader of the local Resistance movement. If any of the Hirogen come in, you'll have to play your part, otherwise they'll discover I've found a way to suppress the neural interface. I've managed to disable Seven's as well, and I'll try and disable more, if I get the opportunity. It won't be easy. They're checking the functionality regularly, but I think I've found a way to fool them. So long as you don't give the game away." 

"Nine weeks?" she asked croakily. 

"Yes. Captain, you need to rest. Your body has taken a lot of punishment. They'll have you back in the simulation tomorrow. Let me get you something to eat." 

"I'm not sure I could," she said, attempting to sit up and failing. 

"Here, let me help you," he said, raising the back of the bio-bed. "Better?" 

"Thanks." 

The Doctor went over to a replicator and order some soup and a small roll. "Try this. You need the nourishment." 

Reluctantly, Kathryn took the tray and began to eat. "How bad is it?" 

"It could hardly be worse. I've had two fatalities. Crewmen Vorx and Jenkins." 

"No!" she responded, with an agonised groan. "Damn the Hirogen! Two fine young men!" 

"There's nothing you could have done. The Crusades were particularly brutal. There have been numerous injuries too, which I have repaired to the best of my abilities. I'm never given long enough to treat them effectively. They insist I give the Hirogen injured my priority." 

"Hardly sporting." 

"No." 

"Are all the crew on the holodeck?" 

"All the senior staff and some of the junior staff. The rest of the crew are sealed in their quarters. Seven is Mademoiselle Céline de Neuf, singer and munitions expert. Tuvok is Théodore, your right hand man and wine waiter, Torres is Brigitte a fellow resistance member…she's pregnant with a Nazi bastard, by the way. Paris, Chakotay, Ayala amongst others, are officers in the American forces, currently fighting for control of the town. They have now set up temporary HQ in your bar. Ensign Kim is wandering the ship under very tight scrutiny working every second to extend the holodecks, and draining ship's systems significantly in the process. He's trying to find a way to disable the neural interfaces from outside, but so far has had no luck." 

"And I?" 

"Madame Katrine. A beautiful charming woman, naturally. On the face of it you are a collaborator, welcoming the enemy with your walls, entertaining them, dare I say, making friends with them. Underneath, you are the cunning determined leader of the resistance, using every opportunity to glean information from your guests. Some of your countrymen despise you…the ones who do not know the truth. Others admire you for the captivating leader you are. You are going to have to slot yourself into the situation flawlessly so as not to arouse suspicion." 

"Can we monitor what is going on from up here?" 

"Unlikely. That Hirogen will be back soon. He won't leave us alone very long. How much do you remember?" 

Kathryn looked at him deflatedly. "Nothing since the Hirogen materialised on the ship and rammed that damned needle in my neck." 

"I feared as much. Still, at least I won't have to teach you an instant repertoire of early twentieth century songs, as I did with Seven." The Doctor watched her eat several mouthfuls with satisfaction. "It wasn't easy for her, but from what I've gleaned she's managing brilliantly. So how's your French?" 

"Oh G-d!" 

"You mean Mon Dieu!" 

* * *

  


"Captain, we need to talk," said the Doctor quietly. "We may not get another opportunity. They'll send you back within the next few hours. I've managed to contact Seven. I sent a message into the holodeck. It went through encoded in a British radio broadcast. She's managed to encrypt a response in a similar manner. The Hirogen are unlikely to uncover our little subterfuge. It's written into the program that the British manage to communicate with the Resistance in this way, without the enemy having the slightest idea. 

She knows you're you, so to speak. I told her about our little communications problem, and she's sent Lieutenant Torres…that's Brigitte to you…into Nazi HQ to seduce her lover and steal some communications devices. The Hirogen are using them, of course. They haven't got neural interfaces doing the job for them. Brigitte has no idea what the devices are for, but I'm sure Seven has thought up some sort of cover story. Even if I could get hold of a comm badge here, they'd find it before you reached the holodeck for sure. They'll scan you from head to toe before they send you back in. However, I'm confident they won't notice that the neural interface isn't functioning normally. 

I'll tell them your throat is very sore and you can hardly talk. Hopefully that will explain why you can only grunt at them until you get hold of a comm badge again." 

"As if I'd want to hold a conversation with them anyway." 

"You'll have to act as if you understand them. It won't be easy." 

"You're telling me? How's Seven's singing coming along?" 

"Admirably. She had an expert tutor, if I might say so. She's still turning heads at the Coeur de Lion. I should warn you that Tuvok and the rest of the Resistance are a little suspicious of Seven. They think she may be a Nazi sympathiser. She may need your support soon." 

"Where are the Americans?" 

"All over the town. Certainly gaining territory, but I'm sure the Hirogen are waiting to mount some sort of counter attack." 

"Chakotay?" 

"There too, as Captain James Miller. And Paris. They're probably holed up in the Coeur de Lion right now." 

"Good." 

"But they won't know who you really are. They'll think…" 

"I know. I know. They'll think I'm the leader of the local Resistance." 

"Good. You're catching on fast. But they'll be on your side, even if they don't actually know what that really means." He looked at her thoughtfully. "I'm afraid there's something else you should know…before you go back in there." 

The Doctor hesitated, so Janeway urged him, "Go on!" 

"Over the last nine weeks you've had….well…intimate relations on a number of occasions." 

Janeway looked at him, horrified. "What?" 

"It's as well you can't remember much of it. I have done genetic analysis of the ejaculate in your body. I'm afraid to have to report that it is probable you been violated by the Hirogen at least twice. However, I've repaired any lacerations and tissue damage. I can assure you there is no resulting infection or risk of pregnancy. The Hirogen have left your contraceptive implant intact. There is no permanent physical damage, and, if I do not restore your memory, hopefully no significant emotional damage either. But I urge you to be cautious. I should hate to think that there might be a further incident now you are self-aware." 

Janeway took a deep breath. This was disturbing news, and she wasn't sure she wanted to process it straight away. She screwed up her eyes. "Sh-t!" 

"Precisely. You're a strong and resourceful woman, and the Hirogen have a surprisingly limited sexual drive. I'm sure you'll find a way to avoid further risk." 

"Don't worry, Doc. I'm a big girl. I think I can handle myself." 

"You've also had consensual sexual relations." 

"I have?" 

"Once with a lower decks ensign, whom I think you might prefer if I didn't name. Forty-five times with Commander Chakotay," he finished, watching her carefully and rather amused at imparting this last bit of information. 

"What????" she shrieked, sitting up. 

"Shhh! We don't want the Hirogen back in here quickly," he admonished. "I don't know why you're so surprised. It's always been obvious to everyone else that you two had the hots for each other. Well, it's seems the sexual magnetism is alive and well no matter where you find yourselves. Your relationship transcends everything. As has Tom and B'Elanna's, as you will soon observe. You and Chakotay have been attracted to each other in each of the six scenarios you've shared so far, and it's never taken you long to act on it either. With all your inhibitions gone, it's hardly surprising. Some would say it's about time too. You've had relations with Commander Chakotay within the last twenty-four hours, I might add." Janeway groaned in disbelief. "So you need to know that when you get back in there, the Commander will most certainly be under the impression that you and he are intimate. He's likely to try to…" 

"Yes, yes. I get the picture." 

"Some skilful dodging will be necessary. Unless you finally decide to indulge your feelings." 

"Doctor! That would be unethical!" 

"In the current situation, you are probably right. But maybe when this is all over, you'll give some thought as to whether keeping him at a distance is ethical either. This sexual stalemate you two insist on keeping isn't healthy for either of you. As your Chief Medical Officer, I have to advise you to resolve this…preferably in the bedroom." 


	2. Chapter 2

The Hirogen dumped her back in the centre of Ste. Claire, right by the bridge. She'd managed to avoid arousing suspicion on the way in, by grunting incoherently at them when they appeared to require some sort of response from her. As expected, they scanned her neural interface, but fortunately, as the Doctor had predicted, it gave out the false impression of functioning normally. 

The two Hirogen who had dumped her so unceremoniously by the stone parapet, ran off across the bridge to the opposite side of the river. Kathryn looked around her. She felt a bit disorientated for a moment, and there was no time for her to dwell on the emotional fall out from the Doctor's revelations. Her ship was hardly recognisable…the holodeck had been extended out into several other decks. It was obvious immediately that things were somewhat out of control. 

Though the Germans were clearly in retreat, there were a few skirmishes going on between the two factions, so she immediately sought cover. With the safeties off, the stray bullets would be as lethal as real ones. 

From behind the relative shelter of a colonnade, which fronted the shuttered shops lining the road along the riverbank, she mentally turned the map the Doctor had shown her over in her mind. She was still some way from the Coeur de Lion, which was situated in the main square of the upper town. 

On the far side, she viewed the vanishing figures of the two Hirogen, and it was obvious even from this distance that there were substantial numbers of enemy troops on the far bank. She had to get away from this area as quickly as possible. 

As she looked around to assess the relative safety of the routes available to her, there was a loud bang and a heavy rush of wind and debris, which knocked her off her feet and sent her flying through the air. She lay in an awkward daze on the ground, watching as a metal sign announcing M. Alphonse's bakery tumbled past her, like a crazy rectangular wheel escaped from its axle. It clattered on, dancing its merry way into the river. 

She picked herself up, shook herself down, deciding quickly that she had sustained nothing more significant than a few bruises, though for a moment she had to work frantically at the dust in her right eye. Then, cautiously, she peered back around the nearest pillar. There was a huge gap in the middle section of the bridge, and the road on this side now led to a yawning chasm, probably several metres wide. As she moved herself to the next pillar, she noticed that the road on the far side now leaned at a very strange angle, straight into the dark muddy waters. The span on both sides of the bridge now led to oblivion. Across the water, a few jubilant Nazi soldiers were climbing up the riverbank. Their intention had clearly been to hamper the advancement of enemy tanks. 

Some American troops suddenly appeared from out of nowhere and began firing across the water at the escaping Germans, and Kathryn decided that this was definitely the time to get out of there. She set off at pace up the hill, skirting behind buildings as far as possible, dodging across the gaps. 

She observed as she ran that some of the structures were damaged, and that there were still places where the Germans were digging in. All in all, it seemed like total chaos. 

As she rounded a corner, she happened upon a rather large contingent of Germans, who were swarming about an area where the holographic emitters had been damaged to reveal sections of the ship. She ducked back quickly, before being spotted. 

She hesitated, wondering whether to go back the way she'd come, when Neelix came bowling down the hill, and threw himself off his bicycle. He rushed up behind her, and thumped one large paw of a hand on her shoulder. 

"Katrine…soyez prudents! C'est trop beau un jour pour mourir!" 

"Nicholas!" 

"Vous avez été où? Nous nous sommes inquiétés!" he said, propelling her away from the danger zone with his sheer momentum. 

Kathryn took a deep breath. Even if she could manage some French, she knew her unpolished accent would give her away. 

She coughed a little. "J'étais hors de la ville…cough…cough. Une mission secrète. Ne dites rien à personne!" 

"D'accord." 

Cough. "J'ai un mal…cough…à la gorge." 

Neelix nodded in understanding, and flicked his whiskery head to indicate that she should come with him. He took her back part way and round some smaller buildings. As they neared the square, Kathryn spotted the Town Hall, which had until recently been the Nazi HQ, through the gaps between the buildings. It had been hit severely. This part of town now looked to be coming firmly under the control of the Americans. 

It did not take them long to reach the bar. He took her in the back entrance, and she walked in boldly, making every attempt to appear familiar with the place. Torres and Tuvok greeted her verbosely, clearly concerned for her well-being, and Neelix thankfully made some comment about her throat. Dear Neelix! He always could be counted on to have plenty to say. 

She crossed the room quickly to avail herself of a drink, and Seven slid up behind her. 

"Captain!" she began. 

"Seven." 

"I managed to acquire some communications devices from the Hirogen. Put this somewhere under your clothing…" 

Janeway took the small device and slipped it under her blouse. "Thanks." 

"Is it working?" 

Janeway glanced over to the other occupants of the room and listened for a moment to the babble. "Yes, I think so." 

"I cannot absolutely guarantee your accent won't have changed, but so far mine hasn't aroused any suspicion." 

"What's the situation?" 

"Things are going the Americans' way. Chakotay, Paris and several others have set themselves up in the bar. The Germans are in retreat, but of course they are still very much in control of the rest of the ship. Common opinion seems to be that a secret weapons factory has been uncovered." 

Janeway nodded. "And it's just the two of us who are aware of what's really going on?" 

"I believe so." 

"We are going to have to disable the neural transmitters. They appear to be controlled from a console in Sickbay. If we can set off an explosion on the deck below, it should immediately knock it out. Can you get me some explosives?" 

"We have no real weapons…" 

"It doesn't matter. With the safeties off, holographic charges will do the job just as well." 

Seven nodded. "I'll get what you need." 

"Good." 

She strode through into the main bar area, running her fingers through her hair in an attempt to tame it. She knew she probably looked the worse for wear after her escapades on the way in. Here she found Chakotay and Paris poring over a map. 

"Katrine!" said Captain Miller, his face alight with joy on seeing her, to be followed by a slight frown as he took in her frazzled appearance. "Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine. I just ran a little too close to enemy lines." 

"What's the latest?" Lieutenant Bobby Davis, aka Paris, asked, looking up expectantly at the newcomers. 

"The Germans have established a new HQ at the Ste. Maria church hall on the other side of the river," responded Neelix stabbing his fat finger at a large rectangle towards the outskirts of the town. "Large numbers of troops are now in the surrounding area. The place is heavily defended, and they've blown a huge gap in the central span of the bridge. They have abandoned the former Town Hall now, and I have men picking over the ruins for anything useful…weapons, intelligence. There's a considerable amount of Nazi looted treasure in the building…at least what they didn't manage to take with them when they left. I regret to say there are also a number of opportunists out and about…but they're not our highest priority right now. The Nazi bunker is of greater concern. It is even more heavily defended than the new HQ. We can only speculate as to what they have in there. The most common theory is advanced weapons." 

"I can answer that question. I've spent the last twenty four hours on reconnaissance. It is indeed a research facility for advanced weapons and much more. You would hardly believe the technology they have there!" said Katrine. 

"We must take it out," said Captain Miller. "I'll request an air strike tonight. Then our troops can go in…" 

"An air attack will fail," countered Katrine. "The structure is so strongly reinforced that damage would be minimal." 

"Then we need the manpower for a full throttle ground assault…." 

"No! They have a computer in there generations ahead of its time. Our priority is to knock it out. At the first sign of assault they will up and leave, relocating it elsewhere. If we lose this chance, we'll have no hope of finding it again. It has the capability to turn the war in their favour, so I cannot over-emphasise the importance of taking it out now. No, what we need is something much more covert. I know a secret way in…through a system of tunnels. I also have a man inside. I can get to the tunnels underneath and set charges. Once it's blown up your troops can do what they like! The rest will be up to you." 

"Sounds like a plan to me. But we can take it from here. Let some of my men do the job. They're specially trained…" 

"I have to go alone. Only I know where the computer is. I know exactly where we will have to set the charges. And only I know my way around the tunnels." 

Miller looked at her thoughtfully. "Very well. But I'm coming with you." 

Kathryn threw him a challenging look. She did not want him with her, still less the awkwardness of any conversations they might have. His features displayed his absolute resolve. He wasn't backing down. 

"Alright. But nobody else. This is a stealth mission." She turned towards Tuvok. "Théodore, some coffee please and something to eat. Some bread and cheese, maybe? We'll need to make a start soon." 

Tuvok nodded, and disappeared into the kitchens. The Americans rolled up the map and began to relax. Paris ambled over to B'Elanna and began chatting her up with typical Tom cheekiness and panache. B'Elanna responded with guarded but apparent affection. Kathryn swallowed. It reminded her how the Doctor had told her that their attraction and familiarity was just as obvious in the simulations as in real life. It should have been no surprise therefore, when Chakotay sidled up next to her and allowed one hand to dust teasingly across her rear. 

"Katrine…where have you been? I was worried." He kissed her on the cheek, as she carefully avoided any contact with his mouth. 

"I told you. Reconnaissance," she said succinctly. 

"Without telling me?" He licked his thumb, and affectionately rubbed off a dirty mark on her forehead. 

"The fewer people that knew, the better." 

"I guess. Well…after this, you can sit tight. We'll take care of things from now on. I don't want you putting your life in any more danger." 

"It's part and parcel of what I do…" 

"Well, thank God you won't have to do it for much longer. I couldn't bear to lose you, now that I've found you!" He aimed for her mouth this time, and again she dodged. "Hey, what's this? You weren't this coy the night before last!" 

"Captain Miller, you…" 

"So formal?" He leaned in to her ear. "That wasn't the name you were screaming either!" he whispered suggestively. 

"Jack…you'll be moving on soon. This was never going to last!" 

"Whatever brought this on? After all I said to you the other night? After all the promises we made? I told you I loved you, dammit, and I meant it. This isn't some flash in the pan romance. I'm coming back for you. As soon as we're through here, I'm taking you home and then I can have my wicked way with you just as often as I...we please." 

"This is my home. I wouldn't fit in over there." 

He looked at her, exasperated. "You're getting cold feet, honey? Well then, it's simple. I'll just have to come here. Learn to speak French….which should be highly amusing, since regrettably it will never reach the heights of your English. Either way, I'm not letting you slip through my fingers! You're going to have a hard time getting rid of me, chérie!" he said, giving her buttock a squeeze. This time, she tried hard not to flinch. "What do you say to heading upstairs and giving those old springs on your bed another work out?" 

She turned and looked him fully in the face, amazed and somewhat thrown by the happy twinkle in his eyes. She had all but forgotten how much power he had to melt her! 

"There's not time…" she began, and thankfully Tuvok arrived just then with the refreshments. 

* * *

  


As they prepared to leave, Seven checked the timers and explosives, laying them carefully on the counter. While she did so, Tuvok drew Kathryn aside and quietly asked her if she still thought Seven could be trusted. 

"I have absolute faith in her!" she responded. "If anything happens to me, I am putting her in charge. Understood?" 

Tuvok eyed her uncertainly. "Oui, madame." 

"Good…because I don't expect to find any problems between the two of you when I get back!" 

Kathryn left Tuvok, only partially persuaded, and moved over to the counter, where she placed half of the material in a rucksack. Chakotay filled one of his own with the remainder. One bomb should strictly have been enough, but the mission was perilous and they couldn't afford to risk something going wrong with the equipment, or either one of them being felled on the way. 

"I'll come with you," Seven said. "It will increase our chances of success." 

"No. You must stay here. If anything happens to me, you'll be the only one who knows what is going on around here." 

"As you wish." 

"You need to be careful. Tuvok is a little suspicious. He thinks you may be working for the Germans. I have tried to reassure him." 

"I will do my best to allay his fears." 

"Let's hope we succeed in knocking out the neural interfaces before things become heated." She glanced towards Chakotay. "Are you ready?" 

"Lead the way!" 

Kathryn bent down and undid the hatch to the Jefferies tube. This produced a gasp from some of the assembled people. 

"How long has that been there?" asked an astounded Torres. 

"A very long time! However, none of you needed to know about it before now. It leads directly underneath the Nazi bunker." She bent down and began to climb in. "Watch nobody follows us in here." 

"May your mission prosper!" offered Tuvok, a glimpse of the real man permeating his words, much to Kathryn's wry amusement. 

"Good luck," echoed B'Elanna, as Kathryn ducked into the tunnel. Seven raised an eyebrow at the unnecessary and ineffective sentiments, and returned to her previous task of adapting some grenades to emit a photonic disrupter pulse. 

Chakotay issued some last orders to Tom Paris…the 5th Armoured Infantry were to storm the building as soon as they heard the bomb go off…and then followed Kathryn into the passage. 

He crawled a few metres into the low tunnel and heard the hatch clang shut behind him. He was somewhat perplexed by his surroundings. It was dimly lit…he'd expected complete darkness. Moreover, the walls weren't dank soil, but made of precision-engineered materials. It reinforced his suspicion that it was a highly sophisticated weapons laboratory and it underlined the necessity of taking it out as soon as possible. 

He soon caught Katrine up, and asked her about it. She told him the Germans had taken over a pre-war factory and turned it into their advanced weapons unit. They had manufactured the underground system of tunnels, passing unwittingly close to the Coeur de Lion with the intention of moving their sophisticated armoury about unnoticed. It had been a simple matter to add one extra branch, with the help of their inside man. It sounded far-fetched to her, even as she said it, and she held her breath waiting for his next query. He surely couldn't be so dumb as to swallow that. 

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Miller was far too pre-occupied in admiring her rear at that precise moment. 

"Boy, the view is damned good from back here," he commented, fighting to resist the strong response in his body. 

It was then that Kathryn realised that it had been a very bad idea to lead the way. She was painfully aware of how close his face was to her backside. She cursed silently to herself as she considered that she couldn't reasonably switch places with him. He certainly didn't know the way. Maybe if she moved sideways, he would move up beside her. 

"Did I tell you what a delightful derrière you have, my dear?" 

"Keep your mind on the job, and you might live long enough to appreciate it again." 

"You got me there, honey." 

It was a long way, and they talked in hushed voices for some time. Katrine turned this way and that, and Miller felt completely lost. He had no idea where he was. All these tunnels looked pretty much identical and he knew he would be unable to find his way back without Katrine. She seemed to be looking at numerical markings on the walls as reference points, and he berated himself for not making a note of these in his pocket book. 

Finally she stopped, measuring carefully with some strange instrument, and placed a marker on the ceiling. 

"This is it," she said in a hushed voice. 

"Got it." 

"Set the timer for five minutes." 

Miller nodded and got to work. He unpacked his bag and set the explosive precisely over her marker. She moved back out of the way and sat cross-legged while he did the job, watching him quietly and mulling over the strange knowledge that she had been intimate with this wonderful man. It was too bad that it was the only action she'd seen in years, and she didn't remember it! She didn't quite know what to make of her own emotional response, but now wasn't the time to deal with it. Deep down she knew she loved him, just as she knew he loved her, but she'd spent years fighting the attraction, simply because she was his superior officer. Did what had happened change anything? 

For a long time neither said anything. He fixed the wires and the detonator, finally spinning the hand on the clock dial to five to twelve and releasing the mechanism. For a few seconds, he studied the cogwheels spinning relentlessly on their route to destruction. Finally he nodded, satisfied that everything was functioning as expected. 

Katrine tipped her head back the way they'd come, and he followed her away from the danger zone. They retreated some way from the target, rounding at least two bends, and then she stopped. 

"This should be far enough," she said, taking her weapon from her rucksack. 

"We're not going all the way back?" 

"No, we wait. We make sure the thing goes off. If it fails, we try again. Besides, we can do more good from the inside, once your troops try to storm the building." 

"And what do we do while we wait?" he asked seductively, slipping his arm round her shoulder and pulling her towards him. 

"Nothing that will generate any noise!" she ordered. 

"Oh, I can kiss quietly!" he said, leaning in and capturing her lips. Kathryn was torn. On the one hand, she couldn't let this happen. On the other, she couldn't risk a noisy disagreement. She was stunned at the softness of his lips, the intense feelings they were evoking, and for a moment she was drawn into it. Then, somehow she managed to free herself, and she pulled herself alongside him, leaning into his arm and resting her head on his chest. He closed his arm protectively around her. In this position, her mouth was well away from his, and the whole situation could just as easily have been construed as two friends in a comfortable hug. 

Miller gave a disappointed sigh. "I guess you're right. If I kissed you much more, I'd have you naked in no time at all. And one thing would lead to another and our cover would be blown. You're one hell-cat once we get going. And you sure don't make love quietly...you mew like crazy when you warm up. Sweet heaven, you drive me wild, Katrine! Every moment with you is amazing. I've never known anything like it. You sure are different from the girls back home." 

Kathryn's eyes widened like saucers. Did she recognise herself in his words? "I bet you've got loads of girls back home." 

"No one special. No one who comes remotely close to you. No one who makes love to me with such freedom and passion. You make me feel like I'm the luckiest man in the universe." 

"I do?" 

"Yeah! But then I am the luckiest man in the universe." 

"You're marooned in enemy territory, sitting metres away from a bomb that's about to blow, and you think you're the luckiest man in the universe?" 

"Dead right. Just look what I've got in my arms." He planted an affectionate kiss on the top of her head, and they fell back into silence. 

The seconds ticked away in their heads. Silent and unspoken. Agonisingly slowly. He let out a long contented breath. He could feel her heartbeat against his chest. She could feel his. 

"Marry me?" he said simply. 

She sat up and looked at him in alarm. 

"I can't…" 

"Why not?" 

Suddenly there was a bang and rush of turbulent air. There was sizzle of sparks and the clatter of debris careering along the corridors towards them. Chakotay grimaced in pain, and reached his hand up to his neck. 

"Wha?" he asked, staring at her with a bewildered expression on his face. He dropped his arm. "Kathryn?" 

She grinned at him. "Welcome back, Chakotay." She flicked off the safety catch on her handgun with a loud click. "Come on. We've got work to do!" 


	3. Chapter 3

The battle was hard-fought, but in the end the Voyager crew prevailed. Kathryn got a bullet in the leg for her efforts, but it was easily repaired by the Doctor. In typical Janeway fashion, she dealt with her own terrible traumas by dismissing them from her mind, and focusing her thoughts on the losses and suffering of those around her instead. It was easier that way. Besides, a Captain could not afford to spend time angsting about things that could not be changed. She had to get on with the job, just as she was taught in command school. 

Down on the holodeck, it had been a close run thing, particularly when Seven's adapted grenades knocked out their own weapons instead of their holographic enemies. They had been saved in the end by an influx of helpful commrades, and Harry Kim's success at overloading the holo-transmitters. 

So they were back…in control of the ship...and the Hirogen were gone. On a personal level, Kathryn quite simply wanted to forget about the entire episode. It had been terribly traumatic, both physically and emotionally, and she certainly didn't want to dwell on what had happened to her and her crew. It was better left undiscovered. The Doctor had referred to it as nine weeks of violence and fornication for those involved. He had, however, assured her that he would divulge as little information as possible to the recovering crew. Nothing would be revealed unless there were medical implications. Lower decks ensign would never learn of his encounter with his Captain. Just as she would never learn of his identity. 

What she hadn't bargained on was his not including Chakotay in this. For some reason, he felt that Chakotay would find the knowledge enlightening. He cited that both the senior commanding officers should be fully aware of some details about what had happened during the missing nine weeks. He was on shaky ground in this conviction, but deep down he was hoping the affair would precipitate a resolution of the command sexual stalemate. 

Sometime after the departure of the Hirogen, Chakotay wandered into the Ready Room and mournfully watched Kathryn shifting some of the debris. 

"They weren't much good at house-keeping," he began. 

"No." 

"And I don't care much for their taste in decor.." he said, pulling down some ghastly adornment from the wall. Thankfully they'd taken their more macabre relics with them. 

"That's for sure." 

"Still, it's all yours again." 

"Yes, and for that we should all be grateful." 

He wandered over and let his hand rest on her arm. "How are you?" 

"Fine." 

"Really?" 

"Yes." 

"You always say that." 

"Well…I don't particularly want to dwell on what happened, but physically I'm fine." 

"The Doctor says you were put through a much worse ordeal than I. I got off rather lightly, it seems." 

"Well, Chakotay, I really am okay, unlike poor Jenkins and Vorx. So let's drop it." 

She moved away, continuing her efforts to clear the room, and Chakotay studied her quietly. He was concerned for her. He knew she'd take the loss of two crewmembers badly, but would quite likely do her best to block out the events of the last few weeks. Physically she probably was fine, but the emotional scars of such an ordeal would likely run deep. He sighed. This was the woman he'd loved for a long time, longed for over many years, and now he knew he'd done much more than just yearn. 

"Kathryn, I know." She looked up, puzzled for a moment. "About us…making love, I mean." 

"The Doctor told you?" came her outraged response. 

"Yes." 

"He had no right!" 

"I'm glad he did." 

"He still had no right." 

"I had as much right to know as you did!" A flicker of acknowledgement crossed her eyes. He had a point. 

"Alright, I _wish_ he hadn't told you." 

"Why?" 

"Well…I'm not sure I can put it into words." 

"I know what you're thinking though. You're thinking you can't sweep this under the carpet, as you'd like to. You can't pretend it didn't happen. It's going to make you face up to what's going on here…between us, I mean." 

"There's nothing going on between us." 

"Oh, there's plenty going on between us. It's never been spoken about. It's been crushed under the weight of that damned thing called protocol. But it's there alright. Something powerful, extraordinary…and it's waiting to be affirmed and set free. We are destined to be much more than friends, Kathryn." 

"Chakotay, you're reading far too much into what two very strange and unfamiliar people did on the holodeck…they weren't us. They were complete strangers…" 

"They were us…deep down, they were us. With all the restraint of our command positions removed. You know it, and I know it!" 

"Whatever you think, it doesn't matter. What's done is done, and neither of us remember it. It happened to somebody else. Our bodies were just shells…our minds weren't there." 

"They were there. The memories are locked deep somewhere within us," he said, touching his head meaningfully. "And our spirits were there, driving us inexorably into each other's arms. True love will out, Kathryn." 

"Please don't dig this over," she said, throwing him a pleading look. "We have to move past this. We have a job to do…" 

"That's all you ever think about, isn't it? The job. Isn't there ever any room for the woman underneath the Captain's uniform?" 

"Very little. It's the way it has to be." 

"It's the way it's _had_ to be. But not the way it always _has_ to be. It's not healthy, Kathryn. You can't isolate yourself forever." 

"You sound like the Doctor talking," she said with a half-smile. 

"And the rest of the crew too…if they had a chance to voice their opinion." 

She sighed. "Chakotay, I need a friend much more than I need a lover…" 

"You can have both," he said simply. She pursed her lips. "I've never truly understood your uncompromising position, but I've always accepted it...till now. I hoped time would win you over. I've been very patient, my dear, but get this, Kathryn Janeway: I love you! And I long for everything..everything those two strangers had on the holodeck. I think you do too." He stepped towards the door. "Search your heart, Kathryn. It isn't made of steel!" 

"Chakotay, this ends now! What occurred on the holodeck, stays on the holodeck!" 

He looked back, hardly believing his ears. He saw by her dogged expression that she meant an end to all this introspection. "We'll see about that!" he said, the anger rising in his throat as he left. 

* * *

  


Chakotay paced the floor of her lounge whilst she watched him with guarded apprehensive eyes, aware of his agitation. She wondered what was coming. 

He knew she wasn't going to like this, and there was only one thing to do...come right out and say it. "I've decided to ask the Doctor to restore my memories…" he managed finally. 

"What?" she called, the alarm ringing through her voice. 

"I'm sorry. I realise you might have objections. But I want to remember. Some good things happened in there." 

"Damn right. I do have some objections. Some irresponsible things happened in there…" 

"How can you say that? You don't even know how it was." 

"I can guess." 

"Kathryn, how can you call something happening between us as irresponsible? We're both two grown adults, perfectly capable of balancing our private and professional lives." 

"We didn't know what we were doing!" 

"The people that did it knew what they were doing. They were doing what comes naturally to two people who love each other. I, for one, want to remember." 

"Chakotay, please don't!" 

"Give me a good reason why I shouldn't!" 

"Because it will place an intolerable strain on our friendship, if you do! It'll ruin everything." 

"Our friendship is stronger than that!" 

"Are you sure about that?" 

"And sometimes friendship just isn't enough!" 

"I'm warning you…" 

"Are you ordering me?" 

"No. You know I can't do that. This is personal. I'm making a request. In the name of our friendship, don't do this, Chakotay!" 

He looked at her defiantly. "Kathryn, you're not going to talk me out of this. I've spent a long time making this decision, and I haven't come to it lightly. The only way you can stop me is to overwrite this incident with new memories. We go in that bedroom right now and sort this out, and I won't need to chase after a few precious fleeting glimpses into what we might have been like together." 

Kathryn blinked at him in shock. "That's the stupidest reason for starting a relationship I ever heard." 

"I'll take that as a no, then." 

"Damn right." 

"Then, forgive me, but I _am_ going to the Doctor and I _am_ going to ask him to do this." 

"Chakotay, please don't!" she beseeched him, her eyes flashing with gritty determination. 

"Kathryn," he said sadly, "It's all I have. All I might ever have." 

He watched her carefully for a few moments, hopeful of some sign of weakening in her resolve, but seeing none, he left the room with a heavy heart. He'd go to the Doctor and ask for his memories to be restored. If he left it much longer, the treatment might not be successful, and he so yearned for the knowledge that lay in the recesses of his mind, taunting him from just beyond his reach. He longed to know what it was like to love this woman. To have her. To hold her. To have union with her. And, with the Doctor's help, he would. 

He left behind a woman in turmoil. Kathryn, angry and distraught, threw a padd at the door as it closed after him in her frustration, before collapsing tearfully in a chair. 

* * *

  


"Doctor, there has to be some way to stop Chakotay from doing this," she asked, pacing the floor in Sickbay. 

"He is quite within his rights to request this." 

"And if I order you not to do it?" 

"Captain, may I remind you that in matters medical, I outrank you." 

"Am I to take it that you have advised Chakotay to undergo this procedure?" 

"I have neither advised nor discouraged. I have simply informed him of his options. You, however, have no right to interfere in what, for Commander Chakotay, is a personal matter." 

"Personal? It involves me!" 

"Indeed it does. I might point out to you that these things happened and whether the Commander remembers it or not will not change that fact." He regarded her with some sympathy, as she wore an angry trail across the carpet. He understood the internal war she was waging. "If you want my opinion," he continued undeterred, "I believe it is high time you and Commander Chakotay sorted out this tension between you. It isn't healthy for either of you. If you resolved this, I am quite certain he would not feel the need to go against your wishes." 

Janeway looked at the EMH incredulously. "Are you advising me to sleep with him?" 

"I wouldn't go so far as that," he responded, raising an eyebrow at her intransigence. "But you must certainly talk to him and try to come to some sort of resolution." 

"And what about protocol?" 

"Overrated, if I might say so. We're fifty thousand light years from earth and your choices are somewhat limited. It is entirely unreasonable to expect you to isolate yourself for such a length of time and deprive yourself of the most basic of human needs. Commander Tuvok happens to be in complete agreement with me." 

"What??? You've talked about this to Commander Tuvok?" she asked in horror. 

"Where the mental well being of the two most senior officers is concerned, I am duty bound to discuss this with the next highest ranking officer." 

Janeway turned and stared at him with daggers in her eyes. A slight twitch in the side of her face betrayed the extreme frustration and anger she was feeling. 

She took a deep breath. There was no point in arguing further. It would only serve to deepen any concern he might have about her mental stability. 

"Then there's nothing I can do…" she said in resignation. 

"You could try talking to Commander Chakotay." 

She huffed. She'd tried that. Several times. He wasn't budging and she was out of options. 

She turned to go. "Doctor, are there any other members of the crew anxious to revisit their experiences under the Hirogen?" 

"Don't worry. I'm not expecting anyone besides the Commander to make this request. He is the only one who feels he has anything to gain here. Most know that what happened was so horrific they are better off not knowing." 

* * *

  


"Enter." 

The door slid open to reveal her quarters in near darkness. She was near the window staring at a blackness almost devoid of any pinprick of light. He stepped inside and watched her silently for a while, wondering where to start. She didn't turn. 

"You've done it then?" she asked. 

"Yes," he responded, a hint of remorse in his voice. 

"Well," she answered bitterly, "I hope it was worth the price of our friendship." 

"Don't be like that, Kathryn!" he protested, moving swiftly up behind her. "You had no right to deny me knowledge of what happened to me during those nine weeks…." 

"Targshit, Chakotay! You would not have wanted to know if all the memories had been bad…if all there was to recover was violence and torture, and you know it!" 

"You're right. But I made love to the woman of my dreams, and…forgive me…but I wanted to remember it." 

"Did you never consider my feelings?" 

"How do you feel, Kathryn? Most of the time I have no idea." 

"You want to know? Well, I feel hurt. Violated. I feel you have intimate knowledge of me without my consent." 

"What are you accusing me of here? Let me assure you, the woman I made love to absolutely gave her consent…over and over again." 

"Oh G-d!" 

"I think you need to hear this….do you really think I'd force myself on you?" 

"No…..no. What I'm trying to say is…the memory has been stolen without my consent. I feel like you've been perving at me. Chakotay…you know what I look like naked…and what I…oh hell…I can't even say it…" 

He put his hand on her shoulder and she flinched slightly. He became aware that there were tears on her cheeks. 

"Kathryn, it was beautiful," he said softly. "And if you cared to get the Doctor treat you, you'd know it too…" 

"Chakotay, you can't be serious." 

"Aren't you the least bit curious? Doesn't it bother you that there is a piece of your life you know nothing about?" 

She hesitated. "Perhaps. But I'm sorry…I'm better off without the memories…I was horribly tortured and worse…" 

"Sorry. Maybe that was insensitive of me. The memories weren't all bad though." Kathryn just shrugged. "I'm sorry this has upset you. Please don't let this come between us. I love you. I have for a long time. All this has shown that our attraction for each other is as inevitable as the march of time. We've fallen in love with each other six times over the past nine weeks…I mean utterly hopelessly in love. The kind of love that lasts forever. We even got married in one scenario. Each time we met, it was as if we already knew….There are deep rooted feelings between us that lie just beneath the surface, waiting to erupt at the slightest opportunity, no matter what's happening around us, no matter what guise the Hirogen had us in. It transcended everything. We were brilliant together! If you're honest with yourself, you know it too." 

"Chakotay!" she protested. 

"Every time we touched…it was amazing, Kathryn. Every time." 

"That wasn't real. We were puppets. None of it was real!" 

"Maybe…but the feelings and emotions that drove us together were very real. We were there. Undeniably attracted to each other…just as Tom and B'Elanna were." 

"Please don't!" 

"I know you intimately, Kathryn. I know where to touch you and send you wild. I know how to make your body sing…" 

"That wasn't me. How can you draw any conclusions to what happened in that…that unreality? The real me might be as frigid as a rock." 

"Huh!" he laughed. "I don't think so. I think the real you came out loud and clear with all the inhibitions of command removed. You're a wildcat in the bedroom, Kathryn, my dear! Demanding, passionate…" 

"Chakotay…please stop!!!!! I don't want to hear this!" 

"Alright. I'll say no more. I hope, when you think about it, you'll want me tell you. Everything. Better still, let me show you. I'd prefer something real…to be mentally present when the memory is made. None of this will matter one jot, if we make new memories together. Think about it, Kathryn," he finished, backing away and making for the door. "It was beautiful." 


	4. Chapter 4

She was avoiding him. He knew it and he didn't know what to do about. He began to wonder if he had been selfish in reclaiming his awareness of the lost weeks, but what he had discovered had thrilled him to the core. Surely there had to be a way to bridge the divide this had opened between them. 

He knew she would never go to the Doctor to reclaim her memories. God knows she had enough reasons. The Doctor had told him she had had some terrifying experiences, way worse than his, and that in itself was more than enough to stop her lifting the lid on this particular can of worms. But he thought that an even bigger reason was that she would have to face up to the fact that she had been intimate with him, and she was running away from this like the plague. She was trying to dismiss it as unreal, something like a dream or an alternate reality. 

Of course, it was unreal in a way. It hadn't truly been Kathryn and Chakotay that had done these things, but the feelings and emotions that had driven them together had been very real, underlying everything that had happened. And for Chakotay, the memories were just as real and tangible now. He now knew that they were terrific together. In some ways, that made their lovelorn separation even more unbearable, and it gave him new impetus to find a way to make her his. 

He left her alone for a couple of days, but finally felt he could stand the tension no longer. 

He was in her Ready Room with Tuvok presenting reports and discussing ship's business when he asked to stay behind. She glared at him and looked on the point of refusing, but his resolve must have shown and she grudgingly gave him five minutes. 

"This has to stop," he said after the door closed on Tuvok's back. 

"What has to stop?" 

"This…this avoiding me." 

"Huh! I warned you! I told you it would ruin our friendship!" she blurted angrily. 

"Our friendship's far too precious to let something like this come between us!" 

"And far too precious for you to risk it by deliberately going against my wishes!" 

"I never meant to hurt you!" 

"You stole my privacy…it was indecent of you!" 

"Well, you can steal mine…feel free. Just go to the Doctor and I'm sure he'll oblige." 

"That's just about the most insensitive thing you could say. You know what happened to me in there?" 

"Not exactly," he answered, shifting uncomfortably. "I know the Doctor said it was bad." 

"It was just about the worst imaginable. So forgive me, if I don't want to remember." He studied her sadly. He was shocked to realise that he'd probably badly underestimated what had happened to her. Her hands were shaking, whether from anger or stress, he didn't know. Suddenly, he realised it was time for a gesture, instead of words. He scooted round her desk and put his arm round her. 

"Want to talk about it?" 

"No!" she said, emphatically. 

"Fine. But I want you to know, I'm still your friend. I care about you. I always will, no matter how angry you get with me. And good things happened in there too. Nothing terrible happened to you when I was there. I can vouch for it." 

"Ever the knight in shining armour…" she commented with a sniff. 

"Hey!" he said, grabbing a tissue, and holding it out to her as her face crumpled. "There's no need for this. We'll be just fine. We're both here, alive and well, heading for home. We've survived worse." 

"I know," she croaked. 

"Is it bugging you? The fact that I remember now and you don't?" 

She hesitated. "Yes. That you know things that happened to me that I know nothing about. That you know me intimately, in a way I…the real me…has never given my consent to…" 

"The real me never gave his consent to it either. But it happened and we have to deal with it. Let me assure you, the two people who did those things were totally up for it. They wanted to be together and nothing was going to get in their way!" 

"So that makes everything alright, does it?" 

He didn't really have a good answer for this, so for some minutes he just held her while she sobbed. "I guess it doesn't make it alright. Kathryn, I'm so sorry. I never thought this would affect you so much. If you only knew how I have longed for a more intimate relationship with you! You are the woman I've waited all my life for…and you were showing no sign of ever giving me what I wanted. So forgive me for trying to snatch those few sacred memories of our being together from oblivion. They might be all I ever have." She cast him a strange look. He couldn't fathom her expression. "But I know one thing for sure now. It's been obvious every time we've met. You do have feelings for me, don't you? Underneath the surface, you do have feelings for me." 

Her sad liquid eyes met his. "That's the problem, Chakotay. They're not so far beneath the surface," she admitted eventually. 

"Then why are we putting ourselves through all this agony?" 

"Because it has to _be_ , Chakotay." 

"Why? This barrier is of your own making. You've conjured it in your own imagination. Mark's moved on now, and I've honestly detected very little regret from you about that. If you're worried about what the crew will think about it…well, they already think we've been together since New Earth, just not overtly. Not one of them would bat an eyelid if we moved in together, and they certainly wouldn't lose respect for either of us. The Doctor thinks it's downright unhealthy for us to live in this state of denial, frustrated and unhappy. 

You don't have to be alone for the rest of this journey, Kathryn. If you're worried about whether you can be head over heels in love and still fulfil your duties, then let me assure you that I've already seen you at your usual efficient best within seconds of leaving my bed, when the need arises. Just think…how many people embark on a relationship, one hundred percent certain that its going to work? And work like a dream? That's an amazing privilege! And as for facing Starfleet, the chances of us ever having to face them are slim at the best, and we'll probably be old and decrepit by then…." He paused taking a deep breath. "We don't have to do this to each other any more. There's a simple and easy way to put an end to all this pain…" 

"It's not that simple." 

"Oh yes, it is!" 

"A change in our relationship would have to be reported. I'd have to tell them…" 

"Not straight away, surely. We could wait." 

"I couldn't bear it if they ordered me to stop seeing you." 

"Orders we would be quite within our rights to disobey, given our circumstances. Besides, we could say we were acting on medical advice. The Doctor certainly considers our avoidance of this emotionally and psychologically damaging. Better yet, we could get married…at the first opportunity. Then we tell the crew, let Neelix throw a big party, and finally tell Starfleet. Frankly, I think they should be the last to know. And I defy all the Admirals in Starfleet to tell us that a man cannot sleep with his wife.." 

She gave a small surprised smile. "You mean that?" 

"Every word," he said, squeezing her hand and fixing her eyes with a piercing gaze. 

"They could still order one or other of us to step down..." 

"I think the chances of that are negligible. Oh, they might give it some consideration, but they'll soon reason that they've got the best two people in the big chairs out here, and it would be utter insanity to interfere with that from fifty thousand light years away." He patted her on the knee. "You think about it. Take the afternoon off and think about what I've said…and I'll make dinner for us tonight. Nineteen hundred hours. Okay?" She nodded helplessly. "And over dinner, I'll give you a blow by blow account of what our two amazing bodies are capable of doing together. And if you don't want to try it out for real afterwards, then I truly will believe the real Kathryn Janeway is as frigid as a rock!" 

Kathryn's mouth dropped open, and he gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. 

* * *

  


Kathryn was outside his quarters at precisely nineteen hundred hours, minus her usual bottle of wine. She had decided she needed a clear head. She rang the chime, fighting the trepidation she felt. She knew she was weakening, and that scared the hell out of her. Maybe keeping him at arm's length had become much more of a habit than an expediency over the years. 

He bade her enter, and within minutes she found a glass of wine in her hand anyway. 

"I'm not sure I should be drinking this," she said settling into her seat before his elegantly set dining table. 

"Nonsense. You need to relax. That ordered brain of yours has far too much control. It's about time you learned to let go…" 

"That's what I was afraid of…" She allowed a tiny smile to dance on her lips. "Anyone would think you are trying to seduce me, Commander…" 

"Guilty as charged," he said with a grin, "but first we enjoy this delicious food. I've slaved for hours over the replicator…." 

He placed a colourful salad before her, and she lifted her fork. "Looks delicious…" 

"Naturellement…I plan on exciting all your senses this evening." He sat opposite her with a flourish, and Kathryn felt mild annoyance mixed with a gut-churning excitement, as she realised he was swaggering around with the air of a man who thought victory was within his reach. 

She began to eat, and it seemed Chakotay had decided to let her off the hook for the moment. The conversation flowed along easy uncontentious lines. Discussion followed of the progress of repairs, prospects of supplies, crew interaction and recovery, nothing remotely personal. Things they discussed all the time. The food was indeed delicious. 

So Kathryn was staring into the dark sheen of her cup of coffee before Chakotay brought things back to a personal level. 

"Do you want to know?" 

"Know what?" 

"What happened between us during the simulations." 

She glanced down, avoiding his gaze. "I'm not sure…" 

"What are you afraid of?" 

She looked at him quizzically, on the point of refuting his implication, before realising there was a lot of truth in it. When she hesitated, he continued, "Are you afraid that it might turn out to have been wonderful? Because it was. And because it was, it's going to force you to face up to what's going on between us. We can't hide from this any more. We have to deal with this." 

After a pause, she conceded with a nod. "Okay." 

His gaze swept her in understanding. He knew this was a struggle for her. "Computer, play Chakotay selection 357." He rose from the table with a compassionate smile, as the soft music began to play. He came round to her side of the table and held out a hand. "Dance with me?" 

A brief flicker of surprise crossed her face, till she took his hand and allowed herself to be led into the middle of the room. He'd chosen carefully. The music drew them together, his arms went round her protectively. Almost without thinking, her head rested on his shoulder and her arms snuck around his neck. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, and rubbed his hands soothingly on her back. 

"The first time I remember seeing you, I thought you were an illusion," he told her, in a soft low voice close to her ear. "We were in some ancient Roman province. I was out fetching supplies, and I caught a flicker of movement under a bridge, low by the water's edge. Over the bridge clattered four soldiers on horseback, armed to the hilt. I recognised one, a rather ugly brute of a fellow I'd come across a few times by the name of Titus Caecillius. I detested him profoundly. He was a sadistic liar, a cheat and a bigot. The sort who didn't care whom he hurt to get his own way. One of the Hirogen, of course. The other three were holographic. He looked at me with a sneer, nostrils flaring, and asked if I'd seen a lowly good-for-nothing slavewoman, escaped and on the run. He swore he'd kill her, if he caught her. I knew at once the movement I'd spotted under the bridge was no illusion, and I took great pleasure in misdirecting him. I told him you'd hitched a lift on a cart not long before and sent him off towards the hills. He watched me suspiciously for some time, sniffing the air, as if by doing so he could sense your proximity or smell the untruth in my lie. Finally, he took me at my word, and set off on the false trail. I waited and waited, but you didn't come out. Eventually, when I was sure you weren't going to come out of your own volition, and the hunters were long gone, I crept down and peered under the arch. There you were, and you took my breath away. A bit dishevelled, but I couldn't help being bewitched by those beautiful blue eyes and the remarkable chestnut tones in your hair. You are beautiful, Kathryn. I often think you have no idea just what a sexy and beautiful woman you are! 

You were wary at first, not sure whether to trust me, but I reassured you and coaxed you out. I told you I could give you shelter. When you were sure your pursuers were nowhere to be seen, you walked with me. 

We walked many leagues away from the bridge along the river bank, and I shared some of my meagre victuals with you. As the threat to your safety began to recede, you relaxed and began to trust me. And so we talked. You told me your name was Katarina. How you had been kidnapped from your home in the Northern provinces at thirteen. You'd had a moderately happy childhood till your town was ransacked. Your parents had been butchered, and you and your brother taken as slaves. You too were soon separated and you hadn't seen him since. You'd been sold several times, and your present owner was a cruel and twisted man. You don't want to know everything you told me about him, but you knew he'd flay you alive if he caught you. 

I told you my name was Cornelius. I was a reasonably comfortable landowner, with property nearby. A person of some standing. I had a number of slaves and servants of my own, but I considered most of them to be well treated and happy. It would be hard to hide you. You had a very obvious brand mark...a mark of the Hirogen...on your shoulder. But I had a barn, and I hoped to keep you secluded there for a while. 

I hid you in a hay loft, and that evening I brought you food and wine. You were starving, but we talked and we laughed. You talked with such intelligence. It was hard to believe you were just a slave. I'd never met anyone like you before. I was incredibly attracted to you, and that night I kissed you. You weren't having it though. You told me that just because I'd rescued you, didn't mean I could have my wicked way with you. I so laughed at that. A slave woman with attitude! But it made me want you all the more! I was intrigued. I couldn't believe you'd risk my throwing you back to the wolves by being so stubborn. But I was captivated, and pretty soon I was head over heels in love. 

Very early the next morning, I rode down by the river and watched you bathing. It was the only time of day you dared to leave the barn. I tried to remain in the shadows, but somehow I was sure you knew I was there. That evening I brought you more victuals and we talked again. We tried to disguise your brand mark, so that maybe you would be able to work in my fields amongst my own people without exciting notice, but we didn't succeed. It was obvious that some distinguishing feature was hidden. Everyone would guess it was the mark of a slave and the risk of your discovery was just too great. 

The next day was much the same and on the third morning by the river I stood more openly on the bank, watching and waiting for you to emerge. You rose out of the water, brazen and unashamed. Kathryn, you were magnificent! The water streamed down your body, your hair was darkly clinging around your face. Your eyes were darker still, broody and intense. I read the same desire in them that I felt in myself. Your nipples stood proud, pert…aching to be touched. My fingers ached just as much to administer that touch, so I reached out and delicately traced the curves of your breasts. I fondled the peaks, pulling you gently towards me. You fell into my arms, closing your eyes and moaning with arousal. And then our lips met and the hunger consumed us. We were soon writhing on the sandy river bank exchanging our passion for a deeply satisfying communion. I was drilling into you as if nothing else in the whole of Perusia mattered, which, while I was with you, it truly didn't. You were just as ardent as I. I soon saw an adoration in your eyes that I had never seen in any woman before, and I felt so blessed. 

We spent three idyllic days together. I could hardly stay away from you. A couple of nights later, as we lay still locked together, our limbs still entwined, we made promises to each other. I swore to you I would never leave you. That you would never be alone. I would always be at your side, protecting you. Does that sound familiar? Kathryn, I meant every word. And we told each other of our love. We promised it for all eternity. 

Our little idyll was shattered however. I had a wife, one I to whom I had been married a long time, and with whom I had nothing in common. Her name was Sabrina de Novem. Why we ever married is understandably hazy, but I believe she had engineered it for reasons of efficiency: political, economic and social. She had money. I had land and property. She thought my standing in the Empire of Rome would be socially elevating. For a few months I believe I tried to show her some affection, but she was a cold and calculating woman. I was soon superfluous to her needs, at least my companionship and anything more was. My name was sufficient for her purposes. She surrounded herself with her own favourites…servants, slaves, friends, lovers. We lived essentially separate lives. I never regretted the loss of intimacy with her. She stayed in her own part of our rather luxurious villa, and I stayed in mine. It suited us both just fine. 

However, she grew wise to my own preoccupation with the barn, intrigued by it even, and one evening, unbeknown to me, she followed me there. I never realised she peered through the walls and watched us in passionate embrace, tumbling in the straw, oblivious to all around us. Given our history, I can't imagine she was jealous, but maybe I'm wrong. Certainly she was possessed of an evil sense of malice towards anyone who incurred her displeasure. She saw us naked…and of course she saw the branding on your shoulder. She'd heard of the man looking for an escaped slavewoman and she put two and two together. In her spite, she sent one of her own trusted servants to Caecillius to inform him of your whereabouts. 

By dusk the next day, your evil master was closing in on us. One of my own loyal servants came running to find me at my house. He'd waited at the bridge for nearly the whole day, suspicious of my wife and the errand she had sent her servant on…there was not a lot of trust between our two parties, as you can imagine. He spotted the man coming back with Caecillius and a whole legion of thugs, bent on taking their revenge. He'd ridden back as fast as he could to warn me, and, as I prepared to flee, he went to ready my best horses. I grabbed a bag of gold coins from under the floor and a few loaves. I rode at frantic pace down to the barn, terrified he would already be there, trying hard to cling to the logic that he couldn't possibly have made it yet, nor passed us without our noticing. 

I reached the barn and called you down. For a moment, you were reluctant to show your face, but when I explained what was happening you came out, white as a sheet. You climbed onto another of my horses, and we rode quickly away, a number of my loyal servants with us. To those that stayed, I gave their freedom. I told them to run for their lives. There was no knowing what Caecillius would do. 

We didn't dare stay close to the river. He could too easily follow us there. Instead we headed up into the hills, to where the woods and forests would swallow us and offer us seclusion. We did not stop for hours, till we had put many leagues between us and our pursuers. The next day, I planned to head over the mountains to another country and try to make a new life for ourselves. New names. Nobody would know our history. Some place where our past would not catch up with us. I would be able to call you my wife. You were so intelligent and erudite that nobody would ever suspect anything. I would buy you a fine cloak and clothes that would hide your mark…or find some better way to obscure it. 

As we reached the entrance to the pass that led over the mountains into the next valley, the darkness had fallen. It would have been foolish to continue until there was some small light. We did not dare light torches. We turned and looked back down the valley, and we saw startling evidence of the treachery of my wife and your former master. It was far away but unmistakable. My whole farm, the house, the crops, the barn…flaming wildly. My old life turning to ashes. I pulled you close and kissed you on the forehead. I truly didn't care. I had the only thing I valued in my arms. We would start a new life. Together. 

We never got to experience it though. The Hirogen must have tired of the scenario and pulled the plug. Seconds later I was riding another horse into battle. A combatant in the Crusades. Another story entirely." 

Chakotay paused for a minute or two, still swaying with the love of his life in his arms. He was allowing the words to sink in, and he had sensed her melting into him as his deep sonorous voice wound its spell around her. He decided not to tell her any more of their encounters tonight. He had already said more than enough. He felt her sigh. "Pretty amazing, huh?" 

"Yes. Sounds like something out of a torrid romance novel." 

"Maybe you're right. The Hirogen did base the whole scenario on historical archives and fictional accounts. Wish you'd been there?" 

"Perhaps." 

"Kathryn, I've made love to you. You've made love to me. We are something quite extraordinary together. Our bodies resonate. When I touch you, yours answers. When you touch me, I am immediately on fire. Hell, we are almost making love with our eyes, just looking at each other. You may think there is nothing special about that, but, trust me, there is. Take this final step with me, and you will see I am not exaggerating. I have never felt anything like it with anyone else. It was the same every time we came together. 

I know you intimately. I know you're not comfortable with that. I understand why you feel I have that knowledge without your consent, but the person I did these things with gave her consent willingly at the time, and that person was and is essentially you, even if you choose not to remember it right now. And trust me, Kathryn, what happened is something to be cherished. 

We've made love in so many different places...and different ways. I've seen your beautiful naked body and I've kissed every square inch of it. I've breathed you. I've tasted you." He felt her tremble in his arms, and her pulled her closer. His words were having the desired effect, and the mere fact that she hadn't stopped him gave him the courage to go on. "I've made love to every part of your body. I've caressed your breasts, gorged on your nipples and swirled my tongue around your most precious place. Your perfect pink pearl and I are already intimately acquainted. She likes to hide, but I coax her out. She's stunning, Kathryn, and she deserves far more attention than you've been giving her lately." 

"Ohhh...my...G...Cha...kotay!" she whimpered into his shoulder. 

"I know how to wake her up and whip her into a frenzy! I know how to set her alight and send your whole body flying. You, my dear, totally adore what I do to her," he said, nibbling hotly behind her ear. She shivered again, and he knew he'd hit the spot just right. "Kathryn, wouldn't you just love to find out how that feels?" 

"Ye…ess," she breathed with difficulty, hardly believing the provocative way the friend that had shown so much restraint over so many years was speaking to her, how the sensual words were spilling from his lips and caressing her ears, nor the way her rebellious body was responding. "But…" 

"But what? We've already done this. Many times. What is the point in our holding back now on a technicality?" He worked her neck expertly as she squirmed in his arms. His hands were getting very daring now too. 

"I guess. There's something though…I kind of feel they have stolen our first time from us." 

"Oh no! They have not. This will be our first time. Right here. Right now. What happened was a gift. A mysterious kind of dream. This is what's real!" he said, lifting her off her feet and taking her full weight in his arms. "Trust me…what I am about to do to you is going to be incredibly special. I know you, Kathryn." 

She wrapped her legs round him, bringing their hot aroused flesh in close proximity, throbbing in an erotic counterpoint with each other. Only a few thin layers of rough material separated them now. Holding together, dizzy with desire, both acutely aware of how tantalisingly, dangerously close certain parts of their anatomy were getting, their lips met fiercely for long charged seconds. As they broke, their eyes met...both pairs dark, hungry and as mysterious as they had been on the riverbank in Perusia. "Let me do this, Kathryn. Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved." 

"Oh yes..." she managed. "Do it, Chakotay...I want all of it..." 

"I thought you might." They kissed again. Deep, searching, breath-taking. Then he laughed, betraying his euphoria, and carried her towards the bedroom. He wanted _this_ first time to be special, knocking all that had gone before into insignificance. He had it all planned out. "I love you, Kathryn Janeway. And in the next few minutes, you are going to lose yourself in my arms! You are going to be so far gone, you will almost forget how to breathe!" 

* * *

  


Chakotay stirred, realising it was morning, and it took him a few seconds to recollect that everything was different. In fact, everything was just perfect. And it was no longer something akin to a dream, rather something very real, tangible and enduring. Vibrant and fully formed. There was naked female lying next to him. To be precise, the real Kathryn Janeway. She still appeared to be asleep, and he spent a long time just admiring her, wondering at his unbelievable luck in turning this around. 

Before long however, he could not restrain himself any more, and his hand drifted onto her rear, relishing the feel of her soft skin. At this point, Kathryn stirred. 

"Good morning, beautiful!" he chirped. 

She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, and lifted her head with a smile. Vivid memories of the previous evening flooded her mind. 

"You know, you do have the most beautiful derrière, my love," he continued. She turned over to greet him with a quick kiss, and then began twisting his hair absently between her fingers. They smiled easily at each other, but there was a curious look in her eyes. Suddenly the penny dropped in Chakotay's mind. "You were aware of that conversation, weren't you?" 

"Yes." 

"That's why you suddenly started playing hard to get!" 

Kathryn grinned back. "Ye…es." 

He stole several more delicious kisses. "Not playing hard to get any more?" 

"Nooo!" she exclaimed. "I've realised the foolishness of that course of action." 

"Thank the spirits for that. You know the real you was far harder to seduce! It's only taken me five years to get you into my bed!" 

"Well now...I couldn't have you thinking the Captain was an easy target!" 

"Would I ever think that?" he said, with a huge grin. His hand drifted back onto said beautiful derrière, and it didn't take long for matters to escalate into something far more interesting. They were soon making love with a fervour they'd hardly dared dream of before now. 

Later, as he lay quietly spooning her his arms, he took the conversation back to Ste. Claire again. 

"Do you remember me asking you to marry me?" 

"Yes." 

"You didn't give me the answer I wanted." 

"No. I couldn't. It wasn't you asking. It was some figment of the Hirogen's twisted imagination asking…" 

"Well, it is me now. And I'm still asking." Kathryn didn't reply, and he pulled her closer. "There's an M class planet on scanners. Three days away, with a highly civilised society. Fully recognised legal system. If they have…" 

"Yes." 

"Yes?" he asked, hardly containing the delight in his voice. 

She turned towards him, lips breaking into a smile. "I think that's what I said." 

* * *

  


Chakotay looked around the Bridge and yawned. He hadn't got much sleep last night, but he sure wasn't complaining. Kathryn hadn't lasted long on the Bridge...she'd soon retreated to her Ready Room. It was just as well really. They couldn't hide the huge cheesy grins they got on their faces when they looked at each other, nor the blushes as they thought of more interesting things they could be doing. 

The morning had seemed unbearably long. Chakotay was practically counting the long seconds till lunchtime. It was a pity there wasn't something interesting going on to distract him. He reflected that they should have asked for some time off, but that could wait until they'd actually done the deed and announced it to the crew. They'd made the decision to keep things quiet until after they'd sorted out the legalities. 

Ten minutes later, he could bear it no longer. He'd spent long enough away from her. He stood up from his chair, and joyfully handed the Bridge over to Harry Kim, with instructions not to disturb them unless the direst emergency occurred. Harry Kim raised a slightly bemused eyebrow at his superior officer, but took his place in the command chair without comment. He swept his eyes over an eerily blank screen. Not the slightest hint of anything remotely resembling an emergency could be detected anywhere. In all likelihood, the second half of the shift would be just as boring as the first. He had no expectations at all of having to distract either member of the command team from their working lunch, which after all was a regular occurrence for them. 

As Chakotay entered the Ready Room, his whole demeanour was transformed. His face was suddenly alight with anticipation. 

"Refuelling time!" he announced as the door closed behind him. "It's time for a hard-working Captain to put down all those annoying padds and take a well earned break!" 

As Kathryn looked up from the padd that had been giving her a particularly huge knot in the brow, her face lit up. She had had difficulty concentrating, but she wasn't really complaining either. Last night had exceeded all her expectations, and she was having a hard time dismissing it from her mind. "I guess I can put this down for a while. Shall we go down to the Messhall for lunch or grab a sandwich here?" 

"Oh, it wasn't food I was thinking of…you can eat and work at the same time, my darling. It was some other much more entertaining activity I was thinking of," he said, dropping his voice by a seductive semitone or two. 

"Chakotay, we can't. We're on duty!" she protested. 

"Not for the next forty minutes we're not! You're entitled to a restorative break," he said, wrestling the padd from her hands. "And I know just the thing. Computer, seal doors and increase sound proofing by three hundred percent." A faint beep indicated that the instruction had been implemented. 

Kathryn opened her mouth to protest, but precious little came out…at least nothing more than a delighted squeak. 

"Up you come, you little minx!" he said pulling her to her feet and capturing her lips to work her into submission. He was succeeding pretty quickly. "Ahem. This Captain is definitely in need of refuelling. And you know what they say?" 

"What do they say?" 

"Happy Captain. Happy crew." 

"There's no stopping you, is there?" 

"No," he answered, plunging in for another kiss and fumbling with the waistband of her pants. In no time at all he had her naked from the waist down and moaning with interest. "Come over here," he added, pulling her by the hand. "On the desk!" He swept her terminal and few other things out the way to make space and lifted her gently onto the edge of the desk. 

Kathryn dropped her mouth in disbelief. "Chakotay, I don't do desks anymore…I'm not as young as I once was!" 

"Oh yes, you do. You should have seen yourself writhing with passion on the desk in Nazi HQ! And a modicum of daring adds an interesting intensity to sexual activity, didn't you know?" 

"We didn't!" she said in shock. 

He plundered another kiss, as his hands began to prise her legs apart. His thumbs stoked her labia, barely grazing her centre, and, even at this slight pressure, she gasped out loud at the sensations. The swirl of arousal was already wrapping itself around her, twisting her in its vice-like grip. He grinned to himself. She was so responsive, this woman of his. He was already gleefully anticipating her reaction when his lips closed in on the most intimate and precious of prizes. 

"We most certainly did! I rather think a little re-enactment is in order. I think I'll show you exactly what I did to you one dark, dangerous night in Ste. Claire. You're going to love every second of this…Katrine, chérie…" Et naturellement, she did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note.  
> I decided at a late stage it would be interesting to name Cornelius's cold, calculating wife. Sabrina is apparently the Latin name for the River Severn in Britain, one of our major rivers. You figure the rest. Rachael


End file.
